On New Year's Eve 2014, I tore two pages out of my sparkly pink notebook. Those two pages had writing all over them: back, front, up the margins, all over every square centimetre of space, the things I wanted to let go of from 2014. I wrote that list whilst at a talk I attended with a treasured friend, as prompted by Gala Darling (the brains and beauty behind Radical Self Love).
Writing has always been a mission for me. Not academic writing - I absolutely love the stuff. I could write essays for days. Paragraphs with structure, quotes, evidence, footnotes - if it was bottled, I'd drink it by the gallon. Creative writing, personal writing, journaling - no. No no no. It's hard to be raw and real, when you follow a script, and are at the mercy of a director for your job. In a profession where I communicate other people's words, thoughts, and ideas, pouring out my own does not come naturally.
Gala had instructed us to, after we'd completed our list, burn it. Leave it in 2014. I've never been one to do things by specific dates or times - my diet doesn't start Monday, it starts the second I choose to start it. As someone with Herculean willpower, I start things when I want, and don't stop until I want to stop. This ritual however, was an exception.
On December 31, in the afternoon, I lit my favourite candle, which was nearing the end of its flame-producing life, and ceremoniously burnt the pages. The pages that contained countless sentences and scrawlings, listing every transgression, every faux pas, every hurt, everything I hoped to leave in the dying hours of 2014.
The second those pages hit the flames, the relief was real. Whether a placebo effect, or otherwise, when those pages went up in smoke, I felt lighter. It truly felt like I'd said goodbye to all the shit that had gone down in 2014, and that I was creating a blank canvas for 2015.
That night, as my best friend and I, and all our friends, counted down the dwindling seconds of 2014, I could feel a change coming. Self-manifested? Quite possibly. A higher power? Likely. Whatever the reason, it was there. It still is here. And it's making me excited for a year to remember.
So, based on the light bulb that was the centre piece on the Sydney Harbour Bridge for New Year's, my manifesto for this year is The Year of Magical Thinking. Not getting caught up in the shit, and saying YES to the spectacular! Hell yeah!!
